hari ini dan semalam

people change,unexpectedly

2010-03-11T13:57:00.000+08:00

things running through my mind.
that is better left unsaid.
but i can't help it.\\

yes sometimes we wanna experience everything.
from drinking, to clubbing, to drugs, to smoking, to having sex.
i cannot deny i too have done 4 out of the five things listed.
but when i think of it, i achieve nothing doing this.
it is just me being stereotypical about life.
i always thought life being 18 was all this shit.
but after observing how disappointed my mum was,
i finally realise thet all this was just an honest mistake.
for sure smoking will be a bit difficult for me to quit.
considering the surrounding that im always in.
but trying won't harm.

dear friend, whoever you are or you might be
i might not have experience life in your shoes
but trust me what you are doing now, will not only hurt you but also people
that surrounds you.
trust me i want to help.
but i have run out of advices.
in this kind of things you can only help yourself\
as a friend i have done my part
its up to you now.
to say that i'm disappointed, that i've given up i would be stating the obvious.
if you want to continue doing what you have been doing by all means go ahead.
think it through, is it really worth it?
is this what you really want?
will it really help you solve your problem?
at the end of the day, you're the one who suffer,not us.

life is too short,do you really want it to go to waste?

i know im in no position to say all this, cause i ain't an angel myself.
but im doing this as your friend,i hope you really think it through.

kiss with a fist

2010-01-19T10:28:00.002+08:00

we nag we blabber we advice
because we still care
apart from being disappointed being pissed
we still do care
so please for once listen to us
cause we're your friends
we would not mistreat you
drink drank drunk
when you're up and sober what do you get?
trust me, we are the only one who will always take care of you in whichever state you're in
im finding time to really talk to you.
what are friends for if we dont help each other.

death

2010-01-11T12:54:00.003+08:00

death its something inevitable,
when kyn lost the person she love.
i was like why haven't she move on
now i will go through it myself
then i will answer my own question.
when you're getting close to death do you get cranky
and make everyone hate you?
because they will hate you now, but when you finally go
they will be the one who cry till their tears dry up.

dad,
you're like my first love
my first boyfriend.
i never imagine the day would finally arrive
you're 62 and i know how you re tired of living
the hard life, the hard way
but please fight one battle for me
and even if you fail i know you've tried
you've tried your very best
when i was young,
you shower me with love and gifts
even till today
you rarely scold me nor hit me
all due to an incident
when you hit me and i said you didn't love me.
i've been a very bad daughter
but i dont regret doing all that behind you
cause thats how my life is suppose to be
i rather keep it from you then hurt you
you would not like it if you see me crying
you have always thought me to be emotionally strong
and not let others bully me, especially guys
i love you, wont be the greater of the greatest word right now
but i really love you.
one more battle to fight before its time.

daze

2010-01-08T13:05:00.002+08:00

half of the time in school
i was in my own world.
its like im consuming drugs.
i can't get you out of my mind.why?
one word ; fucked up!

disturbed

2010-01-08T00:31:00.004+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7UXuJRDTcg

i keep watching this video.
i do not know why
maybe i miss you
maybe i regret treating you harshly
maybe i felt guilty toying with your heart
maybe its cause the other day i dreamt of you
but definitely not because i wanna get back together
you came at the wrong moment in my life.
i don't see you around anymore.why?

but now, i can't stop thinking of him
oh come on! i met him in a club
up till now i kept thinking what "that was before i met you" really means
hopes too high, too high
honestly, i was really looking forward to sherlock holmes.

FML

2010-01-06T16:04:00.003+08:00

I have lots to tell
but when i turn around,
i have no one to share my stories
i have always thought that 2010 will start off being great.
but i guess i got my hopes too high too soon .
i've been thinking alot lately
bout how much i really mean to the people around me?
and yes, the answers are clearer now
i mean no shit..
i need a fucking boyfriend!
i need someone who will be there for me without fail..
i believe karma is taking its toll on me
fcuk live!

party the year through

2010-01-02T00:04:00.003+08:00

hell yeah its 2010.
let bygones be bygones.

new year resolution ;
get a boyfriend.
quit smoking
and enjoy life to the fullest

2009 has been erm... blah!
i forget whatever happen in early and mid 2009
but i sure do remember the end of it.
awesome people!!

so fine

2009-11-07T00:52:00.002+08:00

expectations.

i live my live fill with expectations.

fuck life's too mundane, too hectic, too routined

i need surprises.

routined!

2009-10-25T23:53:00.005+08:00

hot and talented.

for better or worse,
i still love you.

unexpected

2009-10-21T14:24:00.002+08:00

ibm wrote;
You know, thinking back, I really shouldn't have done what i did to you last time. I have left you in the lurk unannounced. I regret all of it. If I could turn back tthe hands of time, I would take away all of the tears and jeers. Seriously I would. Damn, I regret it.

fucking random, but i fucking cried,
i miss you alot!
i want time to turn back!

2009-10-16T15:01:00.000+08:00

4/10.complicated yet meaningful

kindly unspoken

2009-10-15T17:46:00.003+08:00

for the better or worse,
life still moves on.
endless thoughts.
ah fuck!
silence speaks louder than words

and then.

2009-10-15T01:26:00.002+08:00

i need someone who i can get along with real well.

2009-10-14T15:37:00.003+08:00

True Love
is like a tattoo..
it hurts when it bleeds
but it feels good within
& last forever till the end of your time.
- CHINO

2009-10-14T14:01:00.002+08:00

Goodbye may come as a shock.

Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe.

2009-10-14T03:07:00.003+08:00

no point sleeping if you can't even focus on what you're dreaming.
lethargic? very.
at least mamat is here to chat with me.
thank you so much.

in life

2009-10-13T09:44:00.006+08:00

LIFE.
we are too caught up with it,
that we sometimes forget who we are
in other times we pretend to be someone we' re not.
nothing was ever enough to fill our life.
shame that we don' t appreciate things around us.
we focus on what we want than what we need.
for once, be thankful.
at least you' re still breathing.

whatcha say?

2009-10-12T23:34:00.004+08:00

today is gonna be the day that they gonna throw it back to you.
from people who thinks i need them to stand.
i can't jolly well do it better without you
after all i don't even need you.
i' m tired of aimless accusations, uninvited temper.
you just never change.
sympathy is what makes me stay and endure
i wanna live life for myself.
oh boy, i have expectations.
i' m strong enough to stand on my two feet without your support.
honest.

2009-09-22T13:32:00.003+08:00

this little kiddo just perks up my day.
raya fever going on..
bah!
anyway!
SLAMAT HARI RAYA,
MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN

insomnia

2009-09-14T02:10:00.005+08:00

can't sleep again.
when i close my eyes i see you
when i close my eyes i see myself in the middle of nowhere
and when i open my eyes, i see myself;
disappointed and clueless.
regret is not the best word.
it is not in my dictionary.
i seek comfort in nicotine
i need to lose weight
anorexia anyone?
i feel like running away
fuck fuck fuck fuck
the truth is i don't want any of this
no strings attach.
im pretending to be someone im not
how do i break this to you?
not the time?
i don't want things to get any deeper
love.
friend or foe?
its a four letter word with a hell lot of definition
and right now i just can't define it
nah uh that word don't ring any bells
at the end of the day,
you won't understand me.

every you and every me

2009-09-13T06:09:00.004+08:00

going with the flow
not sure what i want
hate thinking bout you
chain smoking this few days
disturbed about?
lots to say, planning how to tell.
i love my bf? do i ?
18 and yet clueless.
can i be alone?
friends only please
nidji is coming to singapore 17 sept
no money
nk hamper tk?
i cant sleep
tired like fuck
ah fuck!

these words that kept me strong

2009-07-23T19:25:00.003+08:00

As I lay here and dream of what we could be.
Is this a dream inside my reality?

A beautiful dream with my pristine lover
She sets me at my best and sometimes I surrender.

To the girl who wears her heart on a sleeve
I wished I was the guy that anything she'd risk

And when there is really none of me to do,
I swear I sit down and always think of you.

So we put our emotions all on the line,
And sometimes I wish that she would forever be mine.

Like lovers on drugs; I'm Romeo and she's Juliet,
Our love will always be one perfect secret.

- IBM

these are the words that kept me strong.
i hear your voice reciting this poem to me
these words are pillars that held me upright
motivation for me to move on
i always dream that we meet.
i told you i can't move on
i never deal with it
i just wanna hear your voice again
i just wanna feel those warm hugs again
altough i hate you
but i can't deny the love is greater than the hate
i was never taught to hate someone.

cause life's a ball

2009-07-12T23:25:00.003+08:00

You know you can't give me what I need
And even though you mean so much to me
I can't wait through everything -

they say time will heal everything.
well tell them they can go suck balls
up till now i still can't forget him
when i wake up, or when im asleep
he's clouding up my mind
ah fuck! like he's reading this \
iqbal i miss you alot.

life's great, apart from the shitty timetable for school
im sexcited for augustus!
come quick please

i wish

2009-06-24T22:16:00.001+08:00

I'm bleeding, I'm drowning, I'm breaking,
He could not sit still long enough to listen

Do you know what I think all these nights when I can't sleep, sleep at all
Slowly I close my eyes
My thoughts they fly away to you no matter what I do
I wish I could turn back time
Back to the time when you were mine I wish

I wish the day, the day you went away never had happened baby
I wish the stars, the stars in heaven would come down to me
So I could give them to you
Tell me then would you be lovin' me like I wish

It's so hard when you love someone this much
But you just don't how, how to love him the right way
If you could see, what you've done to me
What you've done to my heart, what you've done to my sould baby
All of my mind and all of my body then you sould know
Why I can't let go and baby I

I wish the day, the day you went away never had happened baby
I wish the stars. the stars in heaven would come down to me
So I could give them to you
Tell me then would you be lovin' me like I wish

I don't know what you want me to do
To prove my love is real for you
I don't know what you want me do say baby
There is no if's or maybe's
All I want is you 'cause baby you are my only wish

kurt cobain and etc.

2009-05-30T00:22:00.008+08:00

KURT COBAIN
by far he is the god of rock
too bad he's not around anymore.
im trying to get a poster of him.
but it cause a bomb nowadays/

and i wanna step my foot on grand canyon
before i die.
the view is so fucking nice.
orgasm liao

i didn't expect singapore to be this spectacular during night time

i think im kental cause i have no facebook account ahaha
lazy wanna create account la

ok im dead tired.
pie pie!
clowns are stupid!

2009-05-29T02:23:00.002+08:00

i want to hug you so bad.i miss you like hell mr trader
if you're reading this text me,
-to you know who you are

dear iqbal

2009-05-28T13:56:00.003+08:00

I MISS YOU LIKE HELL,
your hugs, your jokes, your company
playing the thumb game with you
giving you the thumb lock, slapping you
bringing me to places i've never been to
i miss you calling me baby,
i miss sitting by the riverside with you
you were perfect in every way
I MISS You

2009-05-27T10:49:00.002+08:00

when you think your friend is okay/good/perfect
think twice, cause anything can happen.
yesterday was a nightmare.
im traumatised.
don't ask me why. i ain't gonna talk bout it anymore
i trusted you. how stupid.
a guy like you don't deserve anything from me.
i dunno what's happening to me

depressed

2009-05-22T18:28:00.001+08:00

a chinese girl over me,
GREAT HOW GREAT!
IM ENDING EVERYTHING
GOODBYE.
i will always love you

-____-

2009-05-21T20:06:00.001+08:00

you will never feel or know how hurt i am
cause u dont care
bottom line, i miss you

quoted

2009-05-18T21:46:00.004+08:00

"Baby i love you and I'll never let you go.

At times, we may lose that faith in between but be rest assured that the strength will come back in time so that everything can run smoothly back again.

There's a silver lining on each grey cloud. And the night is definitely the darkest just before daybreak."

"baby...i love u very much.

i know lately i have not been myself.

I have not been giving u the adequate attention that you need from you. I am so very very sorry for that. I didnt mean it to happen. I love you very much. i will make up for the loss time one day but just not now. Because now, as ive told you, my finances are very low and I cant seem to go anywhere without the moolahs. Its like im dead without it. I know you will say that we can not need money when we meet. Yes mmg betul duit tak ya pakai kalau jumpe, tapi tak best kan. Kalau nak pi makan ke, minum air ke...takde duit camne? And I am really that broke at this current moment. Coke pun I tak mampu beli cam i cakap time tu.

Jadi I harap u dapat faham, nanti kalau my finances dah ok balik, then we can return to the period where i dance around you almost every day.

Alrite sweetz ?"

what happen to all these promises?
you dont promise me something and walk away
be a man of your words
or is these just plain sweet talks?
are you a contradictor?
are you a liar?
im ending it now.
find me if you wish

honest.

2009-05-18T00:07:00.002+08:00

you've been a part of me so long
just not the part that keeps me strong
you've been a part of me, and i know
that i will miss you when you go

'im willing to go through the ups and downs with you
not only the ups.
give me the chance to undergo it with you
pls, i beg '

contradictor!

2009-05-14T23:31:00.003+08:00

i know every single fucking thing!

out of frustration

2009-05-14T13:58:00.003+08:00

he is a sweet talking motherfucker
whats new bout guys/.
you can stop the changes.
but you choose to ignore it.
it sucks to know you're the third party.
at the end of the day,
'what did i do to deserve this?'

2009-05-14T00:33:00.002+08:00

i just wish
i can disappear.
i dun want this life anymore.

2009-05-14T00:09:00.001+08:00

and when your instincts tell you
you're the third person.trust it
you always pick the best time to drop the worse line
enough said.

2009-05-13T11:22:00.001+08:00

its gonna be one hell of a day./
yest was fun=)
i feel like eating nasi lemak and drink soya bean

i hate clowns, they look stupid.
the end/.haha

09 may 2009

2009-05-09T22:59:00.001+08:00

and when its over, all thats left are memories.

i dreamt bout you skaterboy.
why?

030509-

2009-05-03T22:29:00.001+08:00

and at the end of the day,
im just fine.
it will always be a better day tomorrow.

its just 3 mths

2009-05-02T15:16:00.002+08:00

i miss this.

im at my lowest of the lowest point in life
and you cant even be here for me.
you choose not to be here for me
im not as optimistic as you .
if i have to go, im sorry

april 24th.

2009-04-24T13:34:00.002+08:00

school was fun.
it has always been fun.
its friday and i have no shifts.
0__0 "
rotting at home is gonna be boring.
i miss meyra and sakina like alot.
ah fuck my eyes are heavy.
i think i better catch on my sleep.
and perhaps continue blogging at night.

im running out of patience

2009-04-22T00:02:00.004+08:00

I don't wanna be without you, babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe
I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you, but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kind of way, no no
I don't want a broken heart.

i nearly said this.
'i regret being with you.cause its still similar to the past relationship'
i know things would change if i were to say this.
i need to spent time with you too.

for everything ;
im sorry

everyone has secrets

2009-04-14T20:08:00.005+08:00

are you keeping any secrets from your friends?
yes plenty of it
do you have a friend that tells everything bout you to your enemy ?
i know i have.
does your bf's friend thinks you're a control freak?
i know she assumes that way
do you feel like confronting your friend?
yes!

but for the moment i think silence is best.
i don't need hypocrites.

what are your fears?

2009-04-03T13:25:00.003+08:00

For me ;
small spaces with no exits.
heights.
death.
rejection.

i got a five hour shift at 3.
fcuk im too shagged to go to work
this job is boring
if you eat,sleep,smell coffee for 7 mths
but the partners keep me coming baybeh
altough im tired
just being around them rejuvenates me.

lets take a ride in my yellow submarine

2009-03-30T23:27:00.003+08:00

im gonna meet these boys soon.\
i can't wait!!!

2009 has been fun.
holidays will end soon
but for now its all work and more work
to earn those xtra buckeroos
meet up soon 'sape last anak babi' clique
im missing you guys
im loving my schedule. morning shifts all the way/
just pray that i can wake up...

2008-06-27T14:49:00.001+08:00

2008-06-06T02:11:00.001+08:00

2008-05-31T00:25:00.001+08:00

2008-05-30T02:28:00.001+08:00

2008-05-21T13:12:00.001+08:00

2008-05-18T22:24:00.001+08:00

2008-05-18T01:01:00.001+08:00

2008-05-17T00:16:00.001+08:00

2008-05-16T23:25:00.001+08:00

2008-05-16T23:24:00.001+08:00

2008-05-16T01:56:00.001+08:00

2008-05-16T01:55:00.001+08:00

2008-05-16T01:54:00.001+08:00

2008-05-16T01:49:00.001+08:00

full of IFs

2008-03-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

im sorry mum for slapping you in the face with all those harsh words.
im sorry im not perfect enough, im not what you expected.
i didn't force you for the divorce
in fact, i told you to cool down.
and now its like you are blaming me on the negativities surrounding you
mum im just 17 to be.i, myself am exploring life
i already hurt many souls as i go along
and now you're hurting me more than i hurt them
just one i would love to ask.
what would you do if eventually one day i went away far away?
you said that its better if i were dead,
are you regretting having me?
you choose your life to be in this way
and now all you do is blame me.
what the fuck have i done?
i wanted to be frank with you
but too bad you're just another stereotype freaks.
im not afraid of taking away my life mum
one thing you should know bout your daughter is that she's not afraid to do anything.
you implant hatreds towards me.
im your fucking biological daughter
i know, i've let you down.
but instead of encouraging me you bring me down
you are just trying to be dad and using your reverse psychology method on me
but honestly only dad have the skills to do that.
so quit trying.don't provoke me any further mum
i will go seriously.don't you cry.

a special one use to say
'cry your hearts out it will help'
but hell it don't work for me.
it only hurt my eyes.
people lie to cover themselves or NOT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS
its not my fault i have this phobia of getting beaten up by guys
and haidil i have nth going on with haikal.
even if i do you're nth to me
can't you for goodness sake see that you ruin my life?
that phobia comes from you!!
it hurts when haidil said this
'where's your hero? ala yang slamatkan you malam tu'
i swear, i cried after he said that

at this particular moment
im trying to live my own life
and shut my surroundings.
im choosing to forget everything.
all i know is that i don't have a mum
the person i called mum is just some heart breaker.

2008-03-08T13:04:00.000+08:00

i find the statement funny.if u get what i mean.
me and my wild imaginations.woohoo!

2008-03-08T12:43:00.000+08:00

he's the cutest thing ever.and he's 17..
argh!!!!!!!!!! he makes my heart go hooha.

i skip work yesterday and i skip FISH class today.
i' m not sure what is happening but i seem rather restless and lethargic this few days.
i grew too fat for my size 26 jeans. and worst, i still can't squeeze myself in size 29
thats how fat i get since december 31 2007.
i' m gonna shave all this fats in a month..heheh like real.
i can't discipline myself to eat at the right time and stop before im famished.dang!
being fat is harder that you ever imagine.haha

waiting for maira to wake up to go window shopping dang!

exhaustion

2008-03-07T03:24:00.000+08:00

i miss them much!

i've been working my ass off.
and payday is still so far away.
i need to get that red high cut and a bag and a HOODIE.
dang!
great spy experiment is performing this sunday bloody hell!
and slim chance of me catching it.
its still a dread for me to move on and forget (h.....)
a part of me already move on yet another want to catch a last glimpse of him
blah! i thought working can help me forget bout him,
fuckernehnehpok!
and im not growing any taller.

should i?

2008-03-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

dear mum,
i promise you that one day i will go
and its not to make you sad
hence, make me happy
at least after i go i know you have one less child to think about.

im juggling everything on my fingertips
i plan to pay for my o level fees using my first pay
at least that way i won't add on to dad's burden
but when i ask you for money you shout at the top of your voice
you're my mum and yet you acted that way
if not you who else should give me money
and its not that when i get my first pay i wont give you money
moreover i will be giving you half of it.
what more do you want me to do as a daughter
you even call me a slut the other day
you said i was involved in vulgar activities.
i never expect it to be coming from you
till now im still hurt.
tears welling up but hey im strong enough to pull through
but my patience is at its peak.
i need someone to hug me and give me this sense of security, the warmth & the comfort
i kept thinking what life for you,mum would be like when im gone
and how would i end everything
does jumping down a block of flats hurt?
will consumption of sleeping pills slows down my death?
by being with friends i always hope it will somehow perished my sorrows
but its just too hurtful for me to ignore.
your voice,those hurtful words its on repeat in my mind
im trying hard enough to hide my sadness between those laughters
but hell it does hurt.
i can't handle this
im not strong enough
im as fragile as a glass.
i was never this way
im struggling to be independent, standing on my two bare feet
without getting help from you
but that is if my patience last.

Stop and Stare

2008-02-23T00:27:00.000+08:00

i've been smoking like hell this few days
mum caught me dazing for the umpteenth time.
till she starts questioning me like a private investigator
everytime i daze, i kept questioning
was what i did a HUMONGOUS mistake till you have to deal with it this way?
i guess i should believe it when they say
'after a break up leave your ex, don't even treat him as a friend'
i've been yearning to tell you everything
it was just a lie i told sub-consciously
im not perfect.
and im prone of doing things without thinking.
i really yearn to tell you everything.
the tears never stop flowing down
thats how important you are to me.

went to cousin house today
since uncle was discharged.
yadayadayadayada
i was dazing the whole time there
then went for supper with family at Sembawang.
the naan bread gives me orgasm.
prolly catching movies with the 'sape last anak babi' clique
and this ITE website is fcuking killing me
it won't ease the procedures i have to take for the application

i effingly miss haikal and gang like truckloads!!!
do meet soon.haha mcm phm

' i fcukingly need a boyfriend. ' - fadilah

2008-02-20T23:15:00.000+08:00

hey boy.

you don't understand how difficult it is to move on.
i hate being emo
i hate showing my emo attitude towards my friends
i hate this fcuking emo attitude of mine
thanks to you
now i cant forget what happen on v day
you are the first boy that make me cry on v day
i hope you're happy now.urgh!!!
i dun even have the motivation to retake my o'levels anymore
i fcuking hate myself for the fact that i love you.
i feel like dying.

K U D A, muka kau ade pasir

2008-02-20T00:38:00.000+08:00

sentosa was awesome.(speechless)
with the unexpected fireworks from 'sounds of the seas'
it sure made my day.
the full moon was beautiful.
we had our sing along session and camwhoring session
we should do this often yea.
i'll update more when i get those pics yea

maira!!!
you manage to infect me with your flu.
you're influential.gahahaha

2008-02-17T01:21:00.000+08:00

my parents allow me to migrate and live with my aunt.
england here i come baybeh!

16/02/2008

2008-02-17T00:19:00.000+08:00

Time spent with them really make my day
played pool at lucky plaza maira's treat
then to bugis then to arab street
for a big feast at Zam Zam maira's treat too
slacked there for awhile bitching bout u know who
what makes you think im flirting??
ii dun flirt, i already lost the skills
futhermore i still have feelings for that skaterboy
and im still recovering from this heartbreak
and please we are just friends
i don't intend to have any boyfriends
once bitten twice shy
shisha-ed with the guys cum our sing-a-long session
we talk crap..and then head home
took ab with dan and matin.
matin's treat.
and im looking forward for tuesday's outing!!!

oh skaterboy,
im still thinking of you
every night even in my dreams i may sound like a desperado but im not
i can't believe you did that to me
nevertheless i dun hate you,
you're forgiven
i never had such high hopes on someone before
you're the boy of my dreams
and its difficult for me to forget you.
i never intend to fall in love.
this tormentation is killing me

ps; im not being emo gahahaha

2008-02-15T02:09:00.000+08:00

im a bitch
i never wanted to lie
and i regret doing so
in the end i lose you
i rather die i tell you

why you let me down? haha

2008-02-04T13:26:00.000+08:00

i fcukingly need a study partner.
someone promise to be my study partner
at last habuk pon takda!
im like a stupid baboon browsing through every single things related with chem
i need a chem tutor!!!

i mean it

2008-02-04T00:33:00.000+08:00

you're always on my mind this few days
and i can't seem to get rid of it.
everywhere i go i think of you
and its so hard for me to be happy
just so you know
im sure
i've fallen in love with you
and that i miss you truckloads
but you don't want to give me the chance
i wont let you down this time.

gosh i wish you were reading this.=(

2008-02-03T00:31:00.000+08:00

i can't withstand this.
i miss you so much!!!

i hate the fact that i fall head over heels for you.
you manage to hurt me this much.
my tears are at the brim of my eyes.

i wish you read this.

' i' m waiting by the phone,
yearning for you to text me' - faddy (for you)

can't hold it any longer

2008-02-02T01:24:00.000+08:00

i was dumb enough to think you like me too.
honestly, i made a fool out of myself.
but i had such high hopes when you stand up for me
the night which my ex came to hurt me.
i have to agree with Dinno
' never give a 100% to someone.'
its hard for me to fall for someone.
however, i fall heels over head for you.
but i guess, hopes are nothing but worthless expectation
i thought you were different form guys i have met previously.
but my instincts let me down.
i hate this feeling of wanting to cry but at the same time i' m holding it.
i was looking forward for the valentine' s outing maira told me about
however, i wont be able to enjoy it like how i pictured it to be
i have to wait like 24 hrs till you have the guts to tell me
the reason for your silence.
whatever that has gotten in to you manage to hurt me,
however thanks for giving me the opportunity to get to know you.while it lasted
utterly embarrassed thinking of how foolish i was.
enough said

'and if you're listening, i miss you.
and you hear me now i need you.'- (meant for you)

2008-01-31T23:58:00.000+08:00

infatuations , crushes , love , like , affection , adore
they do not mean a thing to me anymore
cause i have learn my lesson
never have high hopes
cause in the end its crush
you will feel as if you are clapping with one hand
im fucking emotionally disturbed!!!
i hate boys!!
i hate falling in love!!!
i hate everything!!!!

31 january 2008

2008-01-31T13:41:00.000+08:00

i 'm like saving up money like hell for that shoe.

i have to get my hand on it.

i 'm trying to smile apart from the fact that im emotionally disturbed.
brothers are always out of the house never there when parents argue.
dad, i have no idea of his whereabouts.
mum, she's healing, i hope.
as for myself i 'm still coping
i don' know if i can hold it any longer.
i wish i had a bf, to pour my feelings too
to hold me tight and tell me that everything will be fine.
i think i 've made a bad decision.
if i were to retake can i score.
i 'm having sleepless nights studying, understanding every single facts.
i hope that this time i will make it through.
but with the negative surrounding i 'm in, ts not convincing enough for me to
encourage myself.
i have no appetite due to this problem, moreover studying.
i can't even concentrate on what i 'm studying.

LIFE IS HARDER THAN I THINK.PERIOD

' my feelings for you are way over the sky.
but i guess, i put such high hopes on you.
that im left clapping with one hand' - faddy

2008-01-28T22:15:00.000+08:00

i never expect nor want this to happen..
why should i be involved?
i don't fancy being an emo kid.
stay together for the kids please!!

enough said,

22.01.08

2008-01-22T00:33:00.000+08:00

i swear, im touched
you stood up for me; protecting me
no one has ever done that before.
and now im finally free from my ex
no words can describe how im feeling that moment
now im building up a new life.
thx for the hug, for everything
i love you.=)

2008-01-20T13:26:00.000+08:00

I had fun yesterday,the previous day and a few days back
with him and maira around theres always laughter!
he bought kit kat for me yesterday
-a kit kat for a hug..gahahaa

'im loving every moment spent with you'- fadilah

CAUSE BROTHER AGREES WITH IT

2008-01-17T02:26:00.000+08:00

What Fadilah Means You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

2008-01-15T12:56:00.000+08:00

"cupid shot me with his love arrow once again."

previous days has enlighten me in every way
although, i rot at home,
but still someone never fails to make my day
simply by texting me.
and my handphone will never be silent again.
ceybA~!

every 1.50pm,
bedok town students will create noise pollution
at my void deck.
and its getting on my nerves cause i want to sleep.
listening to your LOUD trance music..
cheeky girls shouting here and there.
an instance of a public nuisance.PERIOD
i miss math like truckloads.
i miss doing algebra.
i miss doing chemistry experiments.
but most of all i miss christopher phua
i miss you stupid dance moves.
and your jokes.
i miss the gang fights my matrep ex will get involve with.
i made a promise to myself no more matreps from now on
no matter how sweet, caring they are.those are sweet talks and cheap shots
to get attention from a girl.
and i can't believe i was once a fool over a matrep, who NEVER gives me happiness
but all thats gonna change,i guess.
"YAKIN MAU LEBIH"

i miss the 'sape last anak babi ' clique
throughout sec 1 till graduation
we were always together through thick and thin
despite multiple arguments and not being in the same class.
i miss the sexyback jokes.haahaha busted
aww..

i think its time for me to quit smoking
i want to reproduce after marriage
i want have twins of a boy and a girl
or
just two lovely kids, a boy and a girl
the boy will have my husband's facial features.and the girl mine of course
i wouldn't want to suffer harmful disease when im old,frail and weak
i certainly would not like to be a burden.
but well, all this takes time.
i can't just quit immediately
i need to learn control my temptations and whatever
hence, i will quit eventually

& i think im blabbering too much here.
i need to repair my digital camera.
but dang! im lazy to even lift my butt and take my shower
the toilet is chanting my name again, and so is mum

"YOU NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME SMILE,
& IM ADDICTED TO YOU" - fadilah

2008-01-14T17:55:00.001+08:00

i feel like screaming!!!.period

2008-01-14T13:13:00.000+08:00

monday blues..
gawd! i miss school.
i miss getting fed up over math sums, i miss christopher's lame jokes
i miss the mee soto, & i've been craving for it for months.
dang! i can shed tears i tell you.gahaha
mum has been pestering me to cut my hair.
come on la cant i at least keep it long.i love it this way
i want to get that zara hoodie by this saturday.
i need to read a n0vel real badly, im getting dumber by the day
for one more day - mitch albom please..

im getting happier by the day...
my tongue's all tied up when i hear your voice.

"im sitting here wishing for something thats missing.
im waiting for you to tell me that time keeps on passing
im hoping, im asking
to stand by your side. just for tonight" - all time low

2008-01-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

i swear whats hannening - soulja boy
is an irritating song..no offence

2008-01-13T19:22:00.000+08:00

"and when it rains
on this side of town it touches,everything
just say it again and mean it
we don't miss a thing
you made yourself a bed
at the bottom of the blackest hole
and convince yourself that
its not the reason you don't see the sun anymore." - paramore

time flew so fast today.

meyra said the other day " u have to pick one"
if im not mistaken la,
well i guess i've made my decision
this time no more matreps
dang! they either hurt you, play you out or etc
maira you know i know la eh..
oh i need information bout the force vomit gig
& can someone surprise me with balloons, =)

oh conversation between me and mum was hilarious

me: mak, deela nk ade matae bole
mum: bole sape die ak pon nk tgk
me: ala malu la die kalau mak nk jumpe
mum : eleh menyampah aku
mum: abg kau bace blog kau die kate kau suke *insert name*
mum: siape tu? ape tu?
me: haha org la ape lag kan.
mum: oh hensem tak
me: (smiling)
mum: dh terpikat la ni..tak padan kecik (laughing away)

dear mum,
i like u better this way
thanks for cutting down on the nagging

to haidil;
sorry im moving on
as i said no more matreps.
take care
miss me when im gone.

'the hounds of love are calling' - the futureheads

contented i am..

2008-01-13T14:00:00.001+08:00

still contented from yesterday's outing.
looking forward for the next.

"i wish you're mine..gahahah" - fadilah

2008-01-13T00:32:00.001+08:00

MY HEART SKIPS WHEN IM WITH YOU- I SWEAR

DESPERATION

2008-01-12T11:52:00.000+08:00

im in desperate needs for that stick supplement..
been sticking my butt at home and cleaning the whole house
but i spend most of my time chatting rather than cleaning.
hahah maira should know why.
so today im finally free as a bird.
i can go anywhere i want and comes back late.
but the thing is i have no idea what to wear.
and daddy is not home yet.so no currency for the moment.
oh, and he called yest, it makes me smile for awhile
and yest night mum randomly said
"kau ni chat dgn siape ah tersenyum-senyum,dh due hari kau buat gitu.
gile eh..."

i was too engross in chatting that i just smile and keep on smiling
even in my sleep.
ok i guess till here..
the shower is chanting my name

"i can't see anyone when he's chatting with me" -fadilah

i aint dwelling.

2008-01-10T13:42:00.000+08:00

aizad left and everything is falling apart.
and im to be blame for.
i thought we nth but just friend
and yet being friends you can't give me the freedom i wanted
i never fancy someone guarding over my shoulders
being somesort of a silhouette
you became overprotective after that desperate guy
told you he kissed me.
im not drown in desperation
nor am i sad we were not even together
cause im just 16, i need my freedom
plus i already have someone in mind.
but i still miss those late night calls.and memories of us

"this is the way you left me, im not pretending.
no hope,no love, no glory,
no happy ending" - mika

2008-01-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

I SWEAR
im super duper ultimately happy today!!!
CHAT NGAN DIE BOLEH CAIR

back baybeh~

2008-01-08T20:27:00.000+08:00

i have abandon this blog for far too long now
and since i became jobless thus gaining weight
i decide to start blogging.
i may not be great in recounts.
but however boring my day turns out to be.
i could not care less
cause in the end of the day no one is reading this pathetic whines of mine.

i was never good in love.
nor do i want to be at this age.still
some guys are weird like totally
they chat with you via phone,msn and some meet ups
and they declare they love you
and fyi mister,if i really love someone i won't type ily!
that is so cheap and its meaningless..
not sincere at all
and what make you think you're worth my love?
you don't catch my attention at all.
rather you turn me off.
what is love to you?
some infactuation you feel or a crush i guess.
till now, i myself, can't figure out what love really mean.
and your cheap talks ain't love.
you're just drown in desperation for a companion.
and honestly you're sweet talks are nothing but cheap entertainment

ok back to me..
been sitting at home.
merely doing nothing
accept eat,sleep, watch tv,and hog the comp
LIFELESS.word.
and the furthest i go is bedok north,blk 422
chet!
i must get a job sometime soon.
i wouldnt be please if i were to gain anymore weight

"i want a boyfriend who will make me laugh 24/7" -fadilah

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2007-12-25T02:54:00.000+08:00

hello..
remember me saying im gonna express my feelings madly,
fake only.gahahah
at work was fun since its christmas..
i got sweets from santa cause he thinks im 15 blearghs!
during break while walking this bunch of mats..
keep on shouting seah street girl..i have a name..mind you!
after work exchange christmas gifts and get drunk
i was i the train at bugis when maira called.
so being a rebellious kid, i made a white lie to mum
and when met maira..
that indian guy busted nk mampos.
u know i know eh maira..
and hot guy...wasted la.
its been a long time since we chat/
and blablabla
we miss the last train
took nr4 to bedok.
from there we walk till 428 maira took a cab and i walk home.
planning to meet maira after work tomorrow.
nightlife at town with maira..MEMORABLE.
k i lazy wanna type a long post..
i wanna sleep.
toodles..

2007-12-19T03:02:00.000+08:00

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

DUE TO MY FICKLE MIND.I DECIDE TO RE-OPEN MY BLOG.
SINCE HAIDIL'S GONE AND MY SOON-TO BE BF ISN'T ANY BETTER.
HEY WAIT HE'S GREAT.ITS JUST ME.
ANYWAY, SOON I WILL BE POURING MY FEELINGS LIKE MAD,
SINCE I GOT LOTS TO BLOG ABOUT.
BOOO!! NO ONES READING MY BLOG ANYWAY.HEHS